Maryland Captivity - Beautiful Swimmers

Grandpa pissed his pants again…

My stepmom is a moron. I’m sorry. It’s true. The other day, I drove to the airport to pick up my dad. I had to drive his van so I could carry his stuff. I had to back the van out of the garage. Having parked the van in there when I went to drop him off, I knew there was nothing behind me. So, I backed up. And heard the sound of metal dying. I cried a little bit, bit my overly large lower lip and got out of the car. I walked to the back. I saw a piece of my “Big Green Egg” grill lodged beneath my car. This is a $750 piece of equipment that i trashed b/c my god damned stepmom pulls random pieces of machinery in front of the van, WITHOUT USING THEM!!!! FUCK!!!! The best part is I called her once she was home. She had to park her car  in my driveway, and walk past that glittery, glinting pile of ash and coal that lay out on my driveway. She, however, walked by it without a comment, and answered my phonecall with, “I Can’t believe you didn’t lock the door, who do you think you are??” I love it…