Maryland Captivity - Beautiful Swimmers

Then you should have put a ring on it (him)

My dear madam,

I babysit children for a living. As we speak, there are at least 12 tiny tots lying on my lap / on my couch. My best friend is a 3 year old. I only write this so that you know that I empathize with your given age group. I can jiggle your kids up and down, we can play horsie, we can build block forts, he can even stab me in the neck with a machete. I don’t really care. My family needs this money badly, and I am completely willing to get stabbed in the neck by your kid as long as my wife can live a few more weeks…

Best wishes,

Austen “History major” Patterson